Gemma The most important part of getting unstuck is understanding what our reality is right now. If we don’t take time to clock all the moving parts it can be very easy to lack perspective. Getting this perspective is going to give us some insights and help us to see why we are stuck in the first place.
On a fresh piece of paper we are going to create a spider diagram. In the centre of the page write your name and make a circle around it. From this circle we will draw lines out to each addition to the spider diagram. Get down everything the comes into your head for each of the following prompts.
Prompts for your spider diagram
1. Write down all the things you are responsible for each day/week/month. Remember to include things like pick up and drop off, making packed lunches, working, personal admin… Get a full picture of all the things you have to/need to do.
2. What else are your responsible for? Take a few minutes to read your list back so far and add to it. What else takes up your time that isn’t written down?
3. What social engagements do you have – not just your own but your families too, kids parties, visiting family, staying connected with friends, shopping for a relative.
4. What else do you do with your time, what is missing from this list. Read it back and add to it.
5. What about things you enjoy doing. Write down anything you like to do even if you don’t get to do it often.
6. What do you want to do more of? If there is something you wish would could do more of, walking, reading, lunch with friends, going to the cinema, having free time with no plans – whatever you wish you could do more of write that down too.
7. What else do you do with your time? Spirituality, hobbies, volunteering, caring, writing, the gym, personal finances, Christmas and birthday shopping, helping friends. What is missing from your list that takes up time in your life?
8. What is playing on your mind, what are the things you need to do but you never get around to. That broken light switch, framing pictures of the kids, organising drinks with friends and asking for a pay rise. There are many things that occupy our minds but that we don’t get to do, write yours down now.
Make a cuppa
Ok so this is a nice time to go and make a cuppa. Have five minutes away from your list and then return with fresh eyes.
Have a final read of your spider diagram and ask yourself – what else is missing?
What else have I not captured that is taking up my time and head space. Speaking to the teachers at school, helping the PTA, meeting colleagues for lunch/dinner. Work travel, checking emails out of work time, getting fuel for the car, taking the children to the dentist, having play dates, planning food, cooking dinner, cleaning the bathroom, emptying the bins. Wherever you are spending time in your life, make sure it is on the page.
This spider diagram is going to give you a picture of what is on your plate and help you to see why you might be feeling stuck.
Questions and answers
Once your list feels complete (you can add to it whenever you want) write down your answer to these questions.
1. When you look at your list what does it make you think?
2. When you look at your list how does it make you feel?
3. What did you learn about yourself from making this list?
Priorities
Circle the things that stand out as your top priorities, the things you care most about. Don’t worry how many you circle at this point just circle the things that matter most on your list right now.
On a new piece of paper write down a list of the priorities you have circled. This time write them in order of most important at the top to least important at the bottom.
Don’t worry so much if you struggle to distinguish a few of your lesser priorities. The point of this bit is to get a sense of the most important areas of your life.
This exercise is complete when:
– you have a detailed spider diagram that reflects all the parts of your life: your responsibilities, your life style, the things on your mind, the things you love and the things that happen daily/weekly/monthly/occasionally
– You can see the areas circled that matter most to you
– You have made a list of these most important areas with a clear understanding of your top priorities.
When you are happy you can move on to part 2 – designing something new
