Gemma Growing branches and shedding old leaves
The saying ‘change is the only constant in life’ is true for us all. No matter who we are, what we do, we can not escape change. But it was becoming a Mum that drove this concept home for me. Parenthood is a process of constantly adapting to change for us, our children, the family unit and everything and everyone that makes up our day-to-day life. But what would it feel like if we were more comfortable inviting change?
A few weeks ago we tested positive for covid. I couldn’t work my day job because we were too poorly and we were isolating with two small children, which in and of itself is tough. As a family we celebrated birthdays in isolation (again). We isolated for 14 days which was not fun. But we were grateful for our garden and the resilience of our little people. Not to mention the convenience of swapping Deliveroo for our usual homemade meals.
A longing to hibernate
It felt like we all caught COVID off the back of a busy time. When I thought about that time I realised it has been a non-stop two years. The pandemic with a toddler and new baby, coupled with job uncertainty, maternity leave in lockdowns, a subsequent return to work and so on. Before Christmas our children had an impressive eight-week run of sick bugs, colds, ear infections, conjunctivitis, viruses, hospital stays, and sleepless nights. As parents we juggled and struggled, fuelled by strong coffee and routine. When I stop and think about the last two years, the turbulence and the triumph I honestly want to hibernate.
When we aren’t inviting change
So I emerged from covid feeling drained. I was running on fumes and feeling frustrated with myself for not just bouncing back. Bouncing back and being at full capacity, wearing all my hats and satisfying the various demands of being a part-time working Mum. But ended up grateful for this experience because it lead me to make realisations.
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I can’t give from an empty cup
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I must have a deeper respect for my own energy, to check in with how I feel and to use that as a compass
These realisations are simple concepts but made complicated by the busy life we lead as parents who juggle a lot. In my experience of motherhood I have found my capacity to achieve lots becomes a baseline. I expect it of myself and others do too. Get shit done is a mantra I am ready to give up. I want to make space for some of the vulnerable parts that come with the territory of being ‘capable’.
The tree in all its glory
On our first day of freedom from isolation we took the children to the park. It was glorious to walk out of the house into the cold, fresh air stomping the pavements in excitement. Jim was playing with the children in the distance and I lay down on a swinging basket and marvelled at the sky. The sun was setting and in the distance there was a peach glow behind the thick, pillowy clouds. As I lay there I tilted my head to my right and caught a glimpse of a tree. Against the fading blue sky it looked majestic. I couldn’t take my eyes off it as I tracked the branches and thick trunk. Without its leaves it had nothing to hide behind. The whole tree was on show, its power and its vulnerabilities.
I could see the oldest, wisest parts of the tree, the broken branches and the new life budding from the very tips of its wispy extremities. Its silhouette stood tall, bold and free. Before I returned to the game of hide and seek I took one last look at that tree and knew that it was a sign. A sign to be free, to embrace my whole self, to allow myself to rest when I need it, to have broken branches as well as new growth. To stand tall and root myself into the ground, to protect my energy so I can pour generously from an overflowing cup. I realised this is the season for inviting change.
New growth and freedom to play
In 2022 I will be making more space to grow new branches and shed old leaves. As me and my family look to the year ahead we are ready to create the lifestyle we want to live right now. I create a space for other parents to do this work, inviting change using coaching as a tool. You can find out more about The listening in Project here.
I will experiment and play with this freedom, I will try things out, see what works, let go of the stuff that doesn’t and take journeys I couldn’t imagine taking two years ago. For all the parents trying to find that sweet spot, the balance, more joy, less stress – I hear you, I am you!
