Gemma The first time I met Abda I was sat in her coffee shop nursing my first born. I was taking sanctuary from the day on the cushioned floor in her cafe – Abda. If you have ever breastfed in public then you will be able to appreciate how good coffee and cake helps. But so does the atmosphere and how welcome you feel as a breastfeeding Mum. I looked up from my coffee to see Abda making drinks and serving customers. She was perfecting the art of service. As she danced between the till and the tables with her own baby asleep in a sling, strapped to her chest – I watched in admiration and I felt particularly at home there in the setting she had created.
It was around four years later that I had my first in depth conversion with Abda. She was cleaning the shop from a late night open. I was on my way out after hosting a pudding club upstairs with PBY and a local Homebirth Group, we use the space rent free because Abda likes to give back to the community. In that conversation we talked about the tricky parts of running a business and growing a family. I was fascinated by the way she had done it and I asked her if she would be my first guest for ‘At the table with’. This article is part of issue 1 of the Family Feed newsletter and this month’s theme is back to work. Abda’s story reminds us that running your own business often includes being back at work soon after your baby arrives.
In a busy 5 years Abda has started two businesses, had two children and weathered all sorts of unexpected turns along the way. I am thrilled she agreed to be my first guest and honoured to share some of her story with the Family Feed community.
Abda Obeid-Findley
Who is Abda?
I’m an Afro Arab, that distinction is important to me. I am Sudanese and Muslim, born in the UK. I am a child of immigrants. I was born in Cheltenham but my heritage and blood is Sudanese and there is also Egyptian ancestry on my mum’s side.
To know about Abda you have to understand her family, her culture and her journey in claiming her identity as a black Arab woman, and business owner in the small town of Northwich, Cheshire.
In the mid ‘80s Abda’s dad, Elmoez came to the UK to complete his medical qualifications. Abda’s parents married in Sudan and then both moved to the UK in the late 80s when Elmoez became an orthopaedic consultant supported by Hala (whose name Abda tells me means halo). And just as her namesake Hala has been the love and commitment, central to the family’s journey to this day. When Hala and Elmoez started a family they held their Sudanese culture and Islamic faith central to Abda and her brother Amer’s home life.
What do you remember from the dinner table as a child?
We always sat at the table together. It didn’t matter if my Dad was home from work late. We would wait and sit together to eat as a family. I think that’s important, the fact we were sitting to eat together was more important than the time we ate at.
Tell me about your family life growing up.
My parents kept us connected to our extended family which was no easy feat. My family fairly international – most of my family is spread throughout the world ( Egypt, UAE, Australia and USA) with a strong core in Sudan. And yet I have a relationship with my cousins and I think that is amazing that my parents continued to keep us connected to family and our culture. At home my parents speak Arabic. Sudanese culture is all about hospitality, food is central. When we visit our cousins we eat from morning to night, my fondest memories are of eating with cousins. In this country I look foreign but back in Sudan I speak with an accent so there can be a feeling that you don’t belong anywhere.
I wondered if that space where Abda questioned her identity growing up led to her first and subsequent businesses. ‘AB’s Bakery’ fused middle eastern and western baking and was the first iteration of Abda’s business career. I asked Abda if that was the start of her claiming her own identity in the world.
My Mum always brought me up to remember that I have two cultures, not many people have two cultures so she encouraged me to take the best of both. So I think that subconsciously I was doing that, I was putting myself into the food. I started selling AB’s Bakery at markets but eventually I knew that I wanted to start a bakery or a coffee shop. I was working as an account manager for a software company at the time and it was fine but I knew for sure that I didn’t want to do that for the rest of my life.
Ben and I had been married in 2016 and I was ready to start my own business. So I applied for a Virgin Start Up Loan – armed with a very good business plan and support from my husband and family. Abda the shop was always going to be about bringing culture to the community.
Tell me about the vision you had for the business
One of the main ethoses I had for the business was that because we live in such a fast paced society and we’re so used to having everything so quickly, what if we took a minute to slow down and enjoy? I wanted people to think about what they are consuming. To be intentional about what you are ordering and eating. I have traveled a lot and lived in South America for six months. I studied linguistics at university and I speak four languages. I think you can’t fully understand a culture if you don’t speak the language. Food is another way into a culture. I wanted to bring other cultures to the town. I knew we weren’t going to win everyone but we might win a few people.
Tell me about the start of Abda the shop
I got the keys in January 2018 and found out I was pregnant with our first child not long after. So I was pregnant and had a shop to do up. I was carrying coffee machines and doing all the renovations. The renovations were a big family effort, in particular Ben’s parents. My father in law Mikey did all the plumbing work free of charge and linked me in with people in his network for other works. I wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise.
That whole period feels like a blur now. I worked hard to get the business ready to open in April, it was a real family effort to bring my vision together. I remember my dad seeing it for the first time and he was so proud of the little details like the floor seating. Then the work was about establishing the business, and the team before having my first child in the autumn of 2018. I was back at work within a few days of giving birth so I didn’t have any kind of maternity leave which was hard. I had my mum’s support because we couldn’t afford child care. My children have grown up in the shop, surrounded by my work.
I asked Abda about her fearlessness and ability to run a business and grow a family.
I remember thinking at the time what’s the worst that can happen if I start a business? You fail, get a job and pay off the loan. It is what it is. I’m not afraid of failure and I don’t know if that has something to do with the way I was brought up. I think being a child of immigrants I was brought up to see the world as my oyster. To go for it, work hard, that’s something that’s ingrained in me. My parents came to a different country, English wasn’t their first language, they had no support system around them. My mum brought up my brother and I with no family around her, I’m not sure how she did that.
What was the experience like through the pandemic?
We were initially really worried about wages and rent but the furlough and grants schemes helped ease our worries and the business was OK. I could take care of staff which was important to me. Ben’s job took care of our personal life so in a way, for a moment there, the pandemic gave us a chance to rest. We had a two year old and for the first time in her life I was at home every day. The weather was beautiful and we played in the garden a lot. Because the shop was OK I was able to really enjoy that rest. I exercised a lot and as a family we benefited from the time together as my husband’s work travel stopped too, so we were all home. Our challenge came in January 2021 when Northwich flooded.
Tell me more about the flood and how you got through that.
I had done my research on our property as Northwich has a history of flooding, but the building Abda is in hadn’t flooded in over 60 years. I was checking my cameras the morning of the floods and it all happened so quickly. At 6am we were fine but by the time I got to the shop at 8am the water was in. We lost tens of thousands of pounds in equipment and furniture. It was genuinely devastating. It felt hugely traumatic to have got through the worst of the pandemic and survived only to be hit by the flood. We salvaged what we could but we lost a lot.
Tell me what you did to reopen?
I am quite a strong willed person and I remember thinking I am not going to give up, if I ever decide to close it will be on my terms and that was the start of giving the shop a life again. This time I had an amazing team around me who were part of the business. Reopening gave us more opportunities to collaborate and share the vision. My team of staff started a just giving page: Operation bring Abda back. It was mind blowing that people came together and raised over £12k to help us reopen.
What does family life look like at this point?
I was pregnant with our second child but nobody knew. It was another pregnancy getting the shop ready to open its doors. I am surrounded by a team who feel like a family to me and because of that re-opening Abda felt like a new opportunity. We opened on the 19th May 2021 and our son was born in the autumn. This time I took four weeks out of the business. I still did some admin but I wasn’t serving drinks and food.
More recently we have launched Hala – Cacao, Cake, Cuisine. We named the business after my mum because she is the hala (halo) that holds everything together. She has helped me with our children so that I can run my business. She is the most amazing woman I know.
Tell me about your favourite Sudanese food?
It has to be Mullah, it is so authentically Sudanese. In arab countries we have a lot of interlinking food but Mullah is the one that no other country eats, it is only Sudanese. For me there is nothing like it. As someone who wasn’t able to grow up in the country I have this attachment to it. If I could eat one thing for the rest of my life, it would definitely be Mullah.
There are many types of Mullah, the three I grew up with are all dried, ground Okra based. Mullah ahmar (red mullah) is made with minced meat, tomato and okra, then there is Mullah bahmia which is mainly okra and finally Mullah akhdar (green mullah) which is spinach based. We eat them all with something called kisra which is a very thin, flour based pancake which we eat with our hand. There’s a very immersive element of getting the food in, it’s full of flavour and as a child I would be covered in Mullah, really enjoying it, that’s still the same now.
Tell me what you hope to teach your children about running your own business?
I hope to teach my children to do something they enjoy. I hope they grow up knowing that no path is easy but if you enjoy it then you have a very strong reason for doing it and to carry on doing it.
The children will see me running the business holistically. I have to be able to do a lot of things and I hope to teach them that it is OK to have a weakness and that it is OK to ask for help too. I have a really strong work ethic and I think it’s important to teach my children that they won’t just get things in life, that they have to work for it.
Tell me what is hard about running a business and growing a family?
If I am honest it feels like an impossible task. Even if you don’t run your own business, managing family life and work is really hard. We have spoken about ‘mum guilt’ before and when you are a business owner you have ‘mum guilt’, ‘wife guilt’ and ‘business guilt’. I think I should be giving more in all areas because I want to do my best. I am still working to navigate that, because it is an impossible task and I think moderation is key. The hardest thing about being a business owner and having a family is trying to do everything at the same time.
I think at the end of the day we also have to give ourselves a break. I am in the very fortunate position where I have a very supportive husband who wants me to be happy and wants me to enjoy what I do. So I have learnt over the last couple of years to let go of the guilt a bit. I have to remember I can only do so much, so I have to make sure I make time for work and make time for my family.
How does work life impact the way you feed your family?
Work life completely demolishes the way I feed my family. To the point where I don’t feed my family because my husband does all the cooking. I am around food all day. Day-to-day cooking is one of the responsibilities I do not hold at home. When I cook it is usually a Sunday where I don’t need to rush.
What’s an important value you and Ben hold around feeding your family?
Funnily enough we eat more basic food at home, but our focus is on nutrition and quality of food. We make everything, if we have chicken nuggets they are homemade. We batch cook veggie pasta sauce for the freezer. We would always put an emphasis on quality and make cakes and puddings ourselves too. We want to teach the children about food and where it comes from. Ben grows some food in our garden so that the children understand that veg comes from the ground.
Tell me about how you hold boundaries between the various roles you have?
I am still working on my boundaries, I find it hard to fully switch off from the business because I enjoy what I do and I like to be there for my staff. But I have put small things in place like I no longer work a seven day week. That gives me focused family time which has been important. Personally, I find it easy to work because I enjoy it and I want to put my all into it. I find it harder to do family time because I feel I should be working.
You have to be flexible is what I have learned. If my children are unwell, or my husband is away working I have to be flexible to make it all work.
What would you say to another person who is struggling to find balance between running a business and growing a family?
I have changed a lot in the last five years, I am continuing to learn and evolve and I think we have to be open to continuously changing as we go through life. I have learned to handle stress better. Having the ability to understand your stress and compartmentalise it is important. My biggest bit of advice would be: be confident in yourself, be aware of yourself and always do what you can to the best of your ability. But whatever you are focused on: work or family, enjoy that time.
I spent the first three years thinking I had to work, work, work, work and I felt guilty about my family time and my work time. In reality I should be able to enjoy my time with my family and enjoy my time at work. Sometimes they are mixed as my children come to work with me and it is not linear at all. But life is messy and I think if you can communicate well with the people around you that is super important. It’s alright to be human and to remember that we are all just trying our best.
At the table
Sitting at my kitchen table with Abda I can see that she is a multifaceted woman. She is many things. A black Arab woman in an overwhelmingly white area (In the 2011 Cheshire wide census the county was 97.4% ethnically white.) Abda is a female business owner who has weathered pandemics and floods, she has brought two children into the world and continued to run and grow her business. Abda is muslim, she is a mother, a wife, a boss and a friend.
Her business and the work she does is grounded in her values. Little touches speak to those values like the dedication on the back of the menu to Sol the youngest daughter of the family she lived with in South America, and who passed away suddenly. And the way Abda talks about her team and the collaboration she enjoys and the respect she has for them. Family is everything to Abda, she is deeply proud of her heritage. Abda’s work is far from done, she has a purpose about her and as she brims with ideas, it is easy to see that she is fiercely intentional. She is fearless.
As she journeys through motherhood and business she stays grounded in the life long journey of claiming her identity, as complex as her identity is, Abda is speaking to the world through her food, family and work.
With deep appreciation,
Gem
This story is part of the feature ‘At the table with’ a series of conversations with different humans who are doing family life, work, food, well being and business differently. We love to share these stories as part of Family Feeds mission. To explore family life through the lens of food, work and well being. If you are interested in taking part in an “At the table with’ then we want to hear from you.
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