Gemma I would put money on most people in my network describing me as confident. It is something that has always interested me, and I get it… I use my voice to stand up for the things I believe in. I got on stage with the band at our wedding and sang Fairy Tale of New York with them. I stand up in front of a room and share ideas, present and I am comfortable being vulnerable to help others thrive. It seems from the outside like I am very confident. But it interests me as a label because I don’t do things from a place of confidence and I want to talk about that.
What I don’t want you to know about me
For much of my youth I felt very aware of the things I found challenging academically. I found humour to be my friend. It detracted from the parts that I didn’t want people to see. But I was funny, and people liked that. I could stand in front of a class and do an impression of Neil Armstrong landing on the moon with sound effects and charm. I knew it would make the class roar in laughter and I loved that. I could discuss and debate a subject and I had ideas, passion, and creative thinking. I was fiercely loyal and protective (I still am) and I have used my voice to stand up when I have seen people behave in a way that is wrong. When friends were bullied – I stood by their side, taller than my frame because I had a voice. Although I was nervous on the inside, I can see why people think I am a confident person.
Teachers can change your world
I was terrified to read out loud in class. I could never get my thoughts on paper like I could in a discussion. These two fundamental skills – reading and writing were positioned, by teachers, as my weakness. And when teachers tell you that you can’t do something you start to believe it. Fast forward and I went to college and university where I got a dyslexic diagnosis from an educational psychologist and my life changed. Not because I was shown tools and resources but because I found out that I wasn’t broken, and that was profound.
I spent years wishing that diagnosis had come sooner. As an adult I love reading and writing. That is largely because I am outside of the classroom now, in control of my learning and that makes all the difference.
The gift
All experiences have a gift and I think the gift of my academic struggle was that it made me bold and fearless. I used my humour and courage to detract from my vulnerability and eventually I gained the courage to see my vulnerability as a powerful way to connect with others. I learned that my ability to share the parts of me that I had been hiding made others more comfortable and capable around me.
Nonetheless when people describe me as confident it jars for me. I appreciate that from the outside that is how it looks. But from the inside I don’t do things from a place of confidence. When I stood up and read a poem I had written about my Grandad at his funeral when I was 17, it wasn’t from a place of confidence, it was from courage.
Courage is more important than confidence
Earlier this week I was listening to Rich Litvin talk about confidence and it landed powerfully. He said – confidence is a result, courage is more important than confidence. His words gave voice to my own experience, and I want to talk about it. People see the result; they see the confidence but I experience fear and subsequent courage to get to that result.
Courage first
It’s important to talk about this experience because I know people who feel the absence of confidence going into something important to them. They believe they need confidence before they begin, but I know that is not true for me. When I reflect on all the things I have experienced in my life, all those occasions when people saw a confident woman – they saw the result of my bold, courageous nature.
If you have been putting something off because you feel an absence of confidence, perhaps now is the time to use your courage instead.
