Gemma Last week I was working in Germany – airports, hotel rooms, (great) public transport, conference sessions, exhibition halls and my fair share of schnitzel, beers and networking. And to add to that mix a few nights sleep that didn’t involve one or both our children getting in bed with us… I actually missed that to be fair. This article is about the power of listening in to our internal dialogue and talking back to the voices that keep us stuck.
It has been five and a half years since I was last away on a business trip. It used to be a normal thing for me to travel with work and I always enjoyed it. Being at trade shows, conferences and events – meeting people was a big part of my role. I loved having interesting conversations and making connections between people, projects and opportunities. It has been said that I can talk to anyone, about anything – I get that from my Dad and our Irish heritage. But after having our children we welcomed a new season in our life, informed by our changing values and I no longer wanted to be on the road away from my babies. So the travel stopped as our family started. Our family is growing and our business too. So we took what felt like a pretty huge step and went away on a business trip.
Filling all the cups
It wasn’t until we arrived in Germany that I gave my personal prep much thought. I had spent the week preoccupied by arrangements for the children and my parents who were coming to stay while we were away. I made routine charts for both children so my Mum could keep track of all the drop offs and pickups. I gathered Calpol, the thermometer and other medical supplies and put them in one place (because usually we have a ten minute hunt for these things). I didn’t want that stress for my parents. I paired socks and ironed uniforms in preparation for the week ahead (this by the way was revolutionary and I hope I keep it up). I did everything I could to set the children and my parents up for success as we took this massive step as a family.
The thought didn’t cross my mind that I might need to spend some time on my own prep. And this is so often the case for us Mums. I see this in my coaching, that we don’t take the time to listen to our needs and to connect in. Instead we function on autopilot pouring out and not stopping to refuel.
Listening in
So it wasn’t really until I woke up on the morning of the conference in a new German city that I discovered I had some of my own feelings going on. I suddenly started hearing the voice of doubt: “you can’t do this”, “you don’t know what you are doing”, “keep a low profile incase you get found out”. This was raw vulnerability. I think we all have a sense of what it is to feel vulnerable, but how often do we try to understand its power? Brené Brown says vulnerability is the birth place if joy, creativity, belonging and love. So I got curious about this voice of vulnerability tucked away inside me. I wanted to listen in so I could begin to speak back.
When that little voice inside my head was telling me I would fail at the task of networking, it was because that voice was trying to protect me. But what if that vulnerability was the key to my success at networking? Interestingly I carved a career out of my ability to connect with people. I know that I make people feel comfortable in my company. I have a high emotional intelligence, I listen and I connect conversations in my head. All these benefits are byproducts of my own vulnerability.
Talking back to vulnerability
I am telling you this story because it is a great example of the importance of owning our inner dialogue we start that by listening in. If these voices are are always set broadcast we continue to believe their narratives. If we listen with a view to understanding and then talk back to that voice we can tap in to the power of vulnerability. So when I was walking to the conference with a churning stomach I started to reason with the voice:
“I have networked at Mum’s groups, in the playground and at the ice cream farms. I have gained new qualifications in the last 12 months. I have lived through a pandemic with little children and done most of my professional work on the phone or in teams meetings since. I have become better at communication, not worse. I can do more in less time now and motherhood has armed me with more empathy and better people skills. I know how to communicate and connect with people. I do it every day”
I arrived at the conference and took my seat. In the first few hours I sat and listened to incredible people speak passionately about their work. I found myself captivated by their story, the mission of their brand and the sense of community in the room. Before I knew it I was raising my hand to ask a full room my questions. I was having dialogue with other attendees over coffee and I was making new connections. have come home with stacks of business cards and a new community of people I hope to work with.
The power of vulnerability
Can you imagine if I had not listened in and talked back? There is such power in vulnerability so much so that I believe it is my gift and that courage is more important that confidence.
If you are going back to work following maternity leave or a career break. If you are thinking of changing your career, going for promotion, starting a new qualification or business. If you have gone back to work but feel like an imposter or you feel the rumblings of vulnerability in your life – maybe now is a good time to start listening in. Time to hear the narratives on broadcast in your head and to invite some inner dialogue so that you can own your thinking and reach your full potential. It starts with listening in.
